if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
