Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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