I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
