Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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