So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
