Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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