Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
