If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
