what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
