I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize