i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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