Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
