Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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