almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
