he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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