im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize