i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
