Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it hurts more in the daytime
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
