found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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