1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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