New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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