John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
