who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
