I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
40s are totally the cure
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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