he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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