On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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