the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
