I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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