you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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