woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
