Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
