I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
