It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
