My brain says no but my pants say off.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize