A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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