Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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