I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
