just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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