This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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