Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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