I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
