not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
