You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
