I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
