I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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