If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
