Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize