do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
