I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
