She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
