i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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