If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize