I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
