alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
