hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You took a bar mat shot.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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