Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
