two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
