Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
