i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
