i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
