Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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