Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize